Upcoming Art show and the voices in my head....

Tragically Delicious
The Bitter Sweet Art of Angie Mason & Kristen Ferrell!!!!

I have been posting quite a bit less on this blog since my 2 person show is getting closer and I am a busy beaver over here finishing up things and getting more ideas for stuff to make but trying to pace myself and get it all done in an orderly fashion... rather than crippling myself with too many ideas and too much on my plate then nothing gets done. But it's getting done and that is the great news well to me it's great news. So above you see I am sharing the promo for the show! I hope everyone can make it out to the show. I am really proud of the work I have been making for this show primarily lots of new yummy oil paintings and so happy to be sharing this show with the wonderfully talented artist Kristen Ferrell. This show promises to be a visual treat so if you are in the area or even if you are not this show will be worth the trip! So with that said mark your calendars Saturday November 14,2009 7pm! See you at the show!

Now I know a blog entry has more special bits to it since I have posted this show promo in other places... so I want to give more from this experience, more personal bits... ok well I made a super fast blip of a movie just for you guys who do take the time to look at my blog and to give a sneak peek at some of the sculptures in progress for this show! Hope it wets your appetite and gets you hungry for more! And here I present the makings of CorruptCakes, LifeSuckers and Rotten Tooth Gang Members! COMING SOON to Parlor Gallery!!! :)

I have a bit more to ramble about but then I really have to get back to drawing up some special bits and putting finishing touches on paintings and sculptures, then on to framing and photographing all the work. Making a show involves a lot of planning and creation it's a great deal of work and love that goes into it. Funny thing is when making stuff in general there are voices in my head talking talking talking.... this conversation going on is at times funny, dark, sad, silly or sometimes one of the voices the jerk that lives inside my head starts up and tries to sabotage my efforts with the why bothers, just give up and who cares. I never in my life listen to that voice or really should I say I never take it serious but man that jerk voice never quits bugging me. Here are some notes I wrote down on one of those days when I was sorting this little problem out. Keep in mind much like this blog it's some bits of my inner ramblings my brainspills if you will, so it may or may not go somewhere for you but it's just how I sort things....

I push forward in life trying to make progress but many times as I am going along with this overwhelming feeling or even compulsion really to create things ( mostly visual sometimes verbal or audio visual combined) well through out a great deal of my creations I have this jerk of a voice in my head... my very own heckler telling me I suck and give up why bother.

I hate this voice especially when sometimes it gets louder than the other positive voices I also have working inside me. It seems to get louder at some of the most crucial critical times the times when I need to believe in myself the most. The times when I am so rock bottom I need to rise to the surface but get weighed down by heavy thoughts of failure and the sinking ship inside my belly. Strong brain games get played playing me for a fool thinking I will give up and abandon ship but I fight harder to push through the stormy waters of my mind.

It's not easy though especially when it happens at those times I am already beaten down by life really those inner voices shouldn't be so mean but they are nasty little bugs aren't they. It makes me tired physically and mentally. It feels like every time I am preparing for something I feel proud of or excited for those voices sit in the back of my mind room looking on mumbling loud disapproving comments making me question my whole existence pretty much.

That darkness looms over me and night falls fast dragging me down a dirty path of paranoid ponder wanderlust. I need this to stop but I ask myself is this strangely part of the process of my creations? Would the work suffer or change into something I don't love as much if I didn't go through these bouts of self judgment.The way I operate under these circumstances is as I have said before it puts me in battle mode fighting harder to out do myself and show those negative voices they are wrong.

It can be such a burden on my psyche. I really don't enjoy feeling this way, unsure and on the verge of giving up. It's a familiar feeling strong with the days of my uncertain 14 year old self. It's all up in the air it can go in any direction. It can collapse fail and die or blossom bloom and thrive. This coin toss of a life I live makes my belly full of fishes nervous swimming fast stirring up the waters pulling down my ship. Sinking belly ships are shaking me breaking me making me... 14 again.
-Angie Mason
Another time I woke with these words in my head which I wrote down and now share here:
Walls keep falling fast
Leaving little left to grasp
Exposing bones
Open to the night
Winds blow heavy
Testing all your might.
-Angie Mason

I push on in life finding my personal victories and I push on dealing with the struggles and hardships life hands to each of us but I keep believing in my dreams, pushing on never giving up never letting anyone stop me from moving forward. I keep sailing my ship on this journey no matter how choppy the waters can get. I keep making things that I see in minds visions as it gives me life and meaning and in the end of all the self critical battles it keeps me happy and balanced.

1 comment:

Heather Jerdee said...

It's amazing how much comfort and reflection we can find in someone else's thoughts. I read through this the other night, thanks for the inspiration :).